tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post4328703633327932004..comments2023-06-24T03:14:25.184-05:00Comments on Chapter and Verse: TracksWHhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14815646433314236886noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-58194126657905553982008-04-04T09:46:00.000-05:002008-04-04T09:46:00.000-05:00Lanie, you are too kind. I think I remember that ...Lanie, you are too kind. I think I remember that song. Thanks!<BR/><BR/><BR/>Bernita, you picked up on the relationship between the stutter-step and the ties. Thanks. -:)WHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14815646433314236886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-86942829727211086432008-04-04T09:33:00.000-05:002008-04-04T09:33:00.000-05:00Compact.Dandelion is a perfect touch.I especially ...Compact.<BR/>Dandelion is a perfect touch.<BR/>I especially like stutter-step because the distance between ties does not nmake for easy walking.Bernitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05264585685253812090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-52210839931954088902008-04-03T14:34:00.000-05:002008-04-03T14:34:00.000-05:00Oh, you are so good. Simple verse that such fullne...Oh, you are so good. Simple verse that such fullness.<BR/>Beautiful words and images. I reminds me of a song by Van Morrison called "It's A New Day"( I think??).<BR/>Next to you, I know that I have a long way to go.<BR/><BR/>love-LanieCassiopeia Riseshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02625091389788114012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-82368587550367891372008-04-03T14:24:00.000-05:002008-04-03T14:24:00.000-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Cassiopeia Riseshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02625091389788114012noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-59084823244245782612008-04-01T14:01:00.000-05:002008-04-01T14:01:00.000-05:00TC, you got it :)Jason, many thanks!TC, you got it :)<BR/><BR/>Jason, many thanks!WHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14815646433314236886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-63875176262346234542008-04-01T13:50:00.000-05:002008-04-01T13:50:00.000-05:00I grew up near railroad tracks and played there. ...I grew up near railroad tracks and played there. You captured that hot, gravelly feel. It was a nice engine for the metaphor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-89911300402590082612008-04-01T12:58:00.000-05:002008-04-01T12:58:00.000-05:00Good. Then I understood. Nicely done.Good. Then I understood. Nicely done.TomCathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11397335545286040472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-36041287113228367472008-04-01T10:04:00.000-05:002008-04-01T10:04:00.000-05:00TC, yeah--this is about a man recalling the love o...TC, yeah--this is about a man recalling the love of his life heading out of town (and his life) for good.<BR/><BR/>Lane, you're most welcome. I loved your fiction. <BR/><BR/>And maybe there is, in a sense, blood on these tracks. The narrator is, as you point out, totally desolate.<BR/><BR/>btw, "Buckle and Twisted" sounds like the name of a fine olde English shop hiding somewhere on a side street. Some kind of haberdashery shop that sells belts and men's accessories -:)<BR/><BR/>Andrew, thanks. One of these days I'll have to get back to haiku or tanka.<BR/><BR/>Julie, I've really loved seeing the phrases used to describe my humble poems. "Emotional asphyxiation" is another perfect way to describe this one. Thanks!<BR/><BR/>Raine, thanks a bunch! Much appreciated.WHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14815646433314236886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-18163068643459103552008-04-01T01:57:00.000-05:002008-04-01T01:57:00.000-05:00Love the rail imagery, the twisted ties, the memor...Love the rail imagery, the twisted ties, the memories. Quite wistful, very fine, William.rainehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04258822737734173873noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-61247601227012653642008-03-31T15:08:00.000-05:002008-03-31T15:08:00.000-05:00Great. I love the impact of the weight, the heat a...Great. I love the impact of the weight, the heat and the emotional asphyxiation.virtual nexushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11955335598875413324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-28406369482494115872008-03-31T14:44:00.000-05:002008-03-31T14:44:00.000-05:00I love every line of this!!I love every line of this!!J. Andrew Lockharthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12567156257114496618noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-86647141219058053152008-03-31T14:33:00.000-05:002008-03-31T14:33:00.000-05:00Eight lines that encompass the desolation of loss ...Eight lines that encompass the desolation of loss perfectly.<BR/>'Buckle' and 'twisted' combined with 'hard sun' paint a searing picture of a warped but mourned past.<BR/><BR/>I love track metaphors - but then I would:-)<BR/><BR/>Thanks for taking the time to read my bits and pieces btw:-)Lane Mathiashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08147122748453850264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-17750814399408995812008-03-31T13:22:00.000-05:002008-03-31T13:22:00.000-05:00Interesting. Does the decay of the scene reflect ...Interesting. Does the decay of the scene reflect the state of a romance?TomCathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11397335545286040472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-60552624821246299642008-03-31T11:22:00.000-05:002008-03-31T11:22:00.000-05:00Thanks for visiting, Michelle. I like to write ab...Thanks for visiting, Michelle. I like to write about rural or run-down things--things that only have faded footprints left.<BR/><BR/>Jo, thanks. I'm trying to work in very short stanzas to see what effect I can achieve in as few words as possible.<BR/><BR/>Sandy, as I told Michelle above, I like to focus on old things, like old shops or rusted farm equipment and such, things fallen into neglect--much like your interest in graffiti. There's a story in all of these things. Each has something to say.<BR/><BR/>Raven, aw shucks, you're way too kind -:)) You're an awfully good poet!<BR/><BR/>Linda, glad you picked up on the auditory component of this one with the stutter and the gravel. Thanks!<BR/><BR/>Qualcosa, yes--that's exactly the landscape I was envisioning. Thanks!<BR/><BR/>Lana, I think desolate is yet another good way to describe this. The narrator is very lonely and hurt ... and isolated.<BR/><BR/>Christine, not only do I like railroads, but I wrote dozens of poems many years ago about hobos and indigents--the underbelly of society that most never never see.WHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14815646433314236886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-63797626933566441992008-03-31T10:18:00.000-05:002008-03-31T10:18:00.000-05:00I've been thinking about doing a post on railroads...I've been thinking about doing a post on railroads lately. I had a writing exercise on railroad hobos a long time ago. <BR/>I love this topic.<BR/>Very nicely done.Chris Eldinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11794946908789120139noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-58723166237269689632008-03-31T09:47:00.000-05:002008-03-31T09:47:00.000-05:00There's something very desolate about this one. It...There's something very desolate about this one. It makes me want to go out in the woods.Lana Gramlichhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06975996208260144558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-11147263543570650952008-03-31T06:30:00.000-05:002008-03-31T06:30:00.000-05:00i can feel a summer heat with a landscape of brown...i can feel a summer heat with a landscape of browning grass & the sound of locust in the trees...all in your words. they pulled me right into that place.qualcosa di bellohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15107076097533430296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-44988136769634969022008-03-30T23:00:00.000-05:002008-03-30T23:00:00.000-05:00You do create such visuals in your words and I als...You do create such visuals in your words and I also can hear the stutter-steps in the gravel. So glad that Raven has introduced me to your writing-I enjoy stopping by.Linda Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16801313102525232162noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-27616456689809811202008-03-30T22:07:00.000-05:002008-03-30T22:07:00.000-05:00Beautiful as always, visceral and taut in a way th...Beautiful as always, visceral and taut in a way that conveys the pain of "arteries twisted away from the tie that binds." You writes good (that is intended as a reflection of how literate I feel in the face of your work, not a comment on the work).Ravenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04996538460071167819noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-11361666796158111622008-03-30T21:03:00.000-05:002008-03-30T21:03:00.000-05:00I often walk tracks in search of graffiti. Your im...I often walk tracks in search of graffiti. Your images conjure the experience exactly. Stutter stepping is a difficult gait. You captured this empty way out of the heart can be so painful.<BR/><A HREF="http://slcpoems.blogspot.com" REL="nofollow">Writing in Faith: Poems</A>SandyCarlsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10752798823532580733noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-47903582911852219022008-03-30T14:06:00.000-05:002008-03-30T14:06:00.000-05:00For a very short poem it packs a big punch. Great ...For a very short poem it packs a big punch. Great imagery and so emotive. Lovely piece.Johttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15149139820474072721noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-82022688279652586232008-03-30T13:22:00.000-05:002008-03-30T13:22:00.000-05:00Love the imagery. The train tracks and all the rot...Love the imagery. The train tracks and all the rot, the pulling, tugging, and twisting, and finally that stutter step--throwing everything off rhythm. Beautiful.Michelle | Bleeding Espressohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13578703393987896737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-31528005192040602382008-03-30T12:40:00.000-05:002008-03-30T12:40:00.000-05:00Lisa, it is indeed a visceral poem about a man's p...Lisa, it is indeed a visceral poem about a man's pain. I couldn't have said it better. That "gut" aspect is what I was aiming for, so thanks. I feel validated :))<BR/><BR/>Deborah, yep, very tight poem without much room to work, but I'm glad the emotional tracks came through. I imposed a word/line limit to force tension into the otherwise simple lines.<BR/><BR/>Charles, I've loved trains since I was a kid. There's something about the sight of lonely rails heading into the pine forest that really gets me. I still have my Lionel set in the attic.<BR/><BR/>Geraldine, No need for apology LOL. Despite its compression, I did make the lines rather simple in phrasing to balance things out and give it a sense of rhythm, which I hope is there -:) <BR/><BR/>Juliet, I polished this up after reading your article on learning from haiku and then shortened the poem to a bare minumum of lines, hoping that the track metaphor would still come through ... so I have to thank you for reminding me to be economical and make every word count. -:)WHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14815646433314236886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-64669545740413106022008-03-30T11:51:00.000-05:002008-03-30T11:51:00.000-05:00I particularly like the juxtaposition of sun and d...I particularly like the juxtaposition of sun and dandelion in thisCrafty Green Poethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02486633917197181851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7929073053478779848.post-9162409056766447272008-03-30T11:43:00.000-05:002008-03-30T11:43:00.000-05:00Somehow I posted the wrong comment here re: rhythm...Somehow I posted the wrong comment here re: rhythm;got ahead of myself LOL. I visit so/too many blogs it seems. <BR/><BR/>I agree re: the thoughts and images being very compressed.This packs a lot of punch into a few lines.<BR/><BR/>I also have a lifelong love of trains and I am attracted to creative writing that includes them. <BR/><BR/>www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.comGeraldine https://www.blogger.com/profile/07410019941984295767noreply@blogger.com