You walked through the steam in a tight black dress
and boarded the Pullman car.
A shrill European whistle
gave the locomotive its raison d’etre.
Outside the station,
a streetlamp made slanting lines of rain visible
as far as the covered newsstand.
Tightening my trench coat, I haled a cab,
opening the back door
as the fin-like curb-splash
washed over the gray sidewalk.
At the apartment, I drank cheap scotch
and listened to Mahler’s last symphony
before sleeping on the mattress
where we had both created
the sag.
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21 comments:
Gorgeous.......especially that 'fin-like curb splash' and the sag!
To the cheap scotch, I say, "lotsa"! On a night like that, a person needs it.
Great offering yet again, Billy!
'where we both created the sag.'
Legendary!
Jo, thanks! I wasn't sure about putting two hypenated woords back to back, but I guess it works. -:)
You had me at 'tight black dress'
Love the ending though. Perfect last stanza.
Sandy--"lotsa"--LOL. Yeah, on a night like that, I think I'd imbibe heavily too.
Rob, it seemed like the best way to end the poem, with "sag" having a double meaning. Thanks!!!
Very nice. Has that film noir feel of the old detective movies.
Charles, I was worried about this one because I wanted it to be very sparse and simple, reflecting the "noir" aspect. I could see someone like Marlena Dietrich walking down the station platform. I thought the ending justified it, and the black dress didn't hurt either in relating to the b&w imagery. Thanks.
Wonderful, the simple worked really well.
I'm with lana. Neat punch (bag) line.
Casdok, thanks. Maybe simpler is better -:)
Julie, thank you. Was an experiemnt--I always like to push the envelope, as they say.
Thanks for your comments today, Billy. You enrich my blog every time you stop by. Thanks for pointing out that episode with the disciples. They had corporate climber tendencies, didn't they?
What an astounding and perfect ending!
i love the imagery in this poem. i agree with the other comments about it having an old detective movie feel to it. and i enjoy how that atmosphere works for the piece.
i kinda imagine you holding a cigar with a hat pulled down low covering your eyes as you watched her walk "through the steam in a tight black dress".
good job billy. i'm especially proud of myself for having caught the double meaning for the "sag" at the end. haha. *smug..kidding* :p
Got to agree with your other commentators.
Love the retro feel.
Love the tight cuplets.
Love the 'fin-like curb-splash'
Love the 'sag'
You describe an image and it generates ten more.
Enjoyed it very much:-)
Sandy, you're most welcome -:)
Lana, thanks. I kept thining of old movies and the "final scene."
Janice, I wasn't sure about the poem until I hit the last stanza, which I thought made the vignette sensible. Thank you for such a kind comment!
cargwaps, yes, an old detective movie, with grainy b&w characters saying goodbye :)
Lane, I like working in couplets since it forces me to pay more attention to cadence. And the retro--it was fun. Thanks :)
Yes!
We can see it all, from "the tight black dress" on.
Bernice, thanks--I'm a sucker for the old films on TCM.
i had the same feel as many others...this is a scene right out of a gorgeous old (40's maybe?)movie for certain...the imagery is perfect right down to the music & the sag!
Thank you, qualcosa, and yes--I was thinking of movies from around the 40s -:)
Shades of the 40's and all that made this such a glorious decade. My absolute favorite era for movies and I'm sure of many other readers.
Glad I took a scroll/stroll down your archives Billy, well worth the visit.
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
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