naked
at last I stand on the savannah
the sun carries away
the final day
the flat acacia supports twilight
all others have gone
into the long night
of a thousand years
over at last
the millennia
crickets smooth the grass
with song
the last word
or the first
I raise my arms
to become
the mountain in some new creation
Eve steps lightly from behind
this time she will not charm
or listen to the twisted vine
at last I stand on the savannah
the sun carries away
the final day
the flat acacia supports twilight
all others have gone
into the long night
of a thousand years
over at last
the millennia
crickets smooth the grass
with song
the last word
or the first
I raise my arms
to become
the mountain in some new creation
Eve steps lightly from behind
this time she will not charm
or listen to the twisted vine
38 comments:
Steer clear of that apple tree. ;-)
The cosmic theme and the photo are an
elegant match...
"I raise my arms to become the mountain in some new creation" - beautiful...
I agree with Raven. That line kicks ass.
The whole thing is great, though.
You've made it sound peaceful to be the last man standing - and under such a sky!
I like this very much. Each word is so precisely chosen:-)
I love the imagery of "the sun carries away the final day", "the flat acacia supports twilight" and "crickets smooth the grass with song". Is there a name for what it is that you're doing there?
This poem conveys such a sense of oneness and solitude, all at once.
Billy, This poem is filled with wonderful images that open up surprise after surprise. It's gorgeous and deserves a wide audience.
I am trying to imagine Eve's poem in response.
I love the way your poetry 'packs a punch' again and again Billy.
I also sense that we are sharing a bit of the same wavelength this past couple of days;given this beautiful work and my Thoughts at Twilight.
I'm also wondering what Eve's response would/will be. Perhaps to follow?
Geraldine
www.mypoeticpath.wordpress.com
Beautiful William - each line to be pondered, savored and rejoiced in. The ending is delightful - though some might disagree ;)
I was reminded of a day when a small, four year old Mexican boy jumped into a post hole I had just dug years back. He was in up to his waiste, and he spread his arms high and wide.
"What are you doing, Pedro?" I asked him.
"Uuuuuuh... I'm a TREE!"
Ditto Raven and Charles :-D
wonderful structure here, great imagery too, especially those crickets.
TC, LOL., Yep, gotta learn the the lesson. Would hate to see mankind screw up again!
Julie, thanks. I stumbled upon the photo by accident, but it seemed the right match.
Raven, thank you. This is a less structured poem than my last two or three. No tight imagery this time.
Charles, an ass-kicking poem !! Works for me :) It is Merwin-esque. No formal structure per se and a less precise theme. More movement, however.
Lane, there have been a lot of History Channel documentaries about doomsday scenarious lately. Maybe that's where I got the last man standing thing. Might have been stuck in my brain without realizing it.
Lisa, acacias are such interesting trees, with flat tops like tables. I think you are right. This is a peaceful poem because of the narrator's tone even though some prior catastrophe is implied. (At least it's what I was aiming for :)
Sandy, thank you! I wanted something here that was elusive and a bit more free to breathe, so to speak. Yeah--who and what is Eve in this new world. Good point?!
Geraldine, you're too kind! You and Sandy both are making me wonder about Eve here. I've never written a sequel to a poem before, but maybe ...
Janice, thanks. I didn't want to pin down a precise theme here. It's pretty open-ended by design. As to the end, I'm not at all sure what happens -:)
Scott, I like that kid!! He might be as close to the theme here as anyone :)
Miladysa, ditto on the thanks as well LOL. Much appreciated :)
Jo, I liked the cricket line myself because it gave a sense of peace to this quasi-apocalyptic poem. The structure was challenging as far as line breaks, which I changed a dozen times. Glad you liked it!
Just as the crickets smooth the grass, your words always shake out the wrinkles in my thoughts, Billy. Just transcendent.
What a strange peace that comes with endings...and beginnings.
And sorry I've been away so long! :)
Love the opening lines...
the flat acacia supports twilight really sets the scene and creates the atmosphere for me here.
and you are a bigger man than i to believe her... excellent write....
Very nice. Steer clear of all superstitions & you'll be off to a great start. ;)
I'm with Sandy Carlson. Like Marlowe and Raleigh in their respective Passionate Sheperd To His Love and The Nymph's Reply (which are my two all-time favorite poems), perhaps you should follow in the same vein?
It would be interesting seeing Eve's view, especially since he believes this time she will not charm or listen to the twisted vine...or, have things really changed?
This was terrific.
Hi Billy, this poem is beautiful
and complete, each word like a step
upon the sand.
I think only a person in the south can truely understand this. :)
Oh geeze, I like this.
Beautiful...
Sarah, welcome back. And thanks!--I wanted a peaceful ending indeed!
Guatami, thank you very much!
Juliet, I have always found the acacia tree interesting, with its flat top. Here, it supports the universe in a sense.
paisley, I guess trust in Eve is wishful thinking perhaps :) Thanks!
Lana, I think superstition is in the DNA, but this is about a new cycle, so maybe if that little gremlin could be avoided LOL
Rebecca, thank you. I haven't read the Raleigh and Marlowe poems for a long time, but I think I need to go back and have a look. Thet are exceptional in the canon of Brit lit.
Cynthia, your comment itself is a poem!
Andrew, that is the most original comment I have ever had ... and probably true. Thanks very much!
Bernita, gracias. Every now and then I think it's good to take away punctuation, like training wheels.
Tina, hey! So glad you liked this. Hope all is well.
Beautiful and peaceful. I loved it.
Thanks, casdok!
I agree, the "I raise my arms/to become/the mountain in some new creation" captures the spirit. Wonderful line.
Just visiting to read your wonderful poetry and yes I had a wonderful time again reading this beauty. Thanks Hope you are doing well
"the flat acacia supports twilight" echoed by "I raise my arms/to become/the mountain in some new creation" is lovely parallel structure, too.
Britta, thanks for stopping by! YOu have a great site. Glad you enjoyed the poem -:)
Marja, good to see you again. Thanks, and hope you are doing well also.
Written, the parallel structure is something I myself didn't pick out originally, and then I realized that my mind was trying to use imagery of supporting a new beginning for man, so I kept the lines. Thanks for noticing -:)
Excellent poem. I definitely had that "circle of life" Lion King thing going through my head though - must have been the acacia tree ;-) Lovely free verse. Peace, JP/deb
beautiful! What a strange and wonderful image you have painted. The line"I raise my arms/to become/the mountain in some new creation" captures the spirit. Wonderful poetic verse. I love it.
love-bd
Deborah, having watched the Lion King 30 or 40 times when my son was growing up, I think the circle of life theme was tattoed in my brain ... but it's true nonetheless -:)
bd,it's funny, but all of these responses tell me things about a poem that I'm not aware of, such as which lines stand out. I'm not always aware of what is going to resonate. Thanks !!!
Wow, simply stunning and along with others, my favorite -"I raise my arms to become the mountain in some new creation." That line alone is speaking to me on a personal level, a feeling of empowerment.
Linda, that line keeps popping up -:) It reminds me of the saying that we're not always aware of the best things we do in any area of our lives, whether it's poetry or a simple act of kindness.
surreal...a wild & free beauty in these words that carry a whole horizon of possibilities beyond what we know
"crickets smooth the grass
with song"
what a lovely mepatphor!
qualcosa, that's an excellent comment. The poem, without being specific, opens the door to an entirely new world or universe. Thanks!
Lluvia, that was a soothing line I think. Thanks you very much.
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